These fictional portraits do not identify anyone as an abuser or victim. Can anyone's appearance prove how they behave? Cut out the eight portraits to discuss assumptions; do not make real-person accusations.
Does a person's size, race, age, disability, gender or clothing tell you whether they have used abuse? What is missing? Which behaviours matter instead?
For each fictional statement choose: Respectful / Needs context / Controlling or unsafe. You may pass. No personal details.
A partner says: ‘I worry your friend puts you down. Would you like my opinion?’ They respect the decision.
☐ Respectful ☐ Context ☐ ControlA dating partner says: ‘If you speak to that friend, I’ll share your private messages.’
☐ Respectful ☐ Context ☐ ControlSomeone says they need a short break to think and will reply tomorrow — and follows through.
☐ Respectful ☐ Context ☐ ControlA partner makes a jealous remark once, then apologises and does not repeat it.
☐ Respectful ☐ Context ☐ ControlA partner repeatedly demands passwords and punishes someone for seeing family.
☐ Respectful ☐ Context ☐ ControlA friend accepts ‘no’ when asked not to share a photograph.
☐ Respectful ☐ Context ☐ ControlA partner explains why they worry about a friend but respects the decision to keep seeing them.
☐ Respectful ☐ Context ☐ ControlA partner hides car keys and threatens to cut off money when someone visits family.
☐ Respectful ☐ Context ☐ ControlSomeone says they need a break in a disagreement and agrees to return to talk safely.
☐ Respectful ☐ Context ☐ ControlA partner frequently criticises all friends as ‘bad for you’ without making an overt ban.
☐ Respectful ☐ Context ☐ ControlA partner monitors locations, interferes with work and threatens punishment for saying no.
☐ Respectful ☐ Context ☐ ControlSomeone says they will not attend a gathering themselves, but the other person may choose.
☐ Respectful ☐ Context ☐ ControlThere is no correct portrait: appearance is not evidence of abusive behaviour. Don't score identity-based guesses.
Offering an opinion while respecting the other person's choice is different from banning a friendship.
Threats and attempts to isolate someone are unsafe. The person using intimidation is responsible.
Taking space without punishment may be respectful in an ordinary safe disagreement.
A single remark deserves context. Watch for repeated pressure, fear, punishment or restrictions.
Monitoring, isolation and punishment are important warning signs of controlling behaviour.
Respecting privacy and consent is a healthy choice.
Sharing concerns is not the same as dictating another adult's relationships.
Threats, restricted movement and economic control can be abusive behaviours.
Pausing without punishment can support an ordinary disagreement.
This may be an early isolating tactic. Consider context, patterns, impact and whether pressure develops.
Surveillance, threats and restrictions matter more than any person's appearance.
Setting a personal boundary does not give the right to control another person's choice.